Regional Air Guitar Championship At 9:30 Club Strums Up A Surprisingly Good/Weird Time!

U STREET -- Last Saturday night at the 9:30 Club began generically enough, with an introduction of the rules of the regional round of the Air Guitar World Championships and the previous year’s winner. From there, the event spiraled into a Long Island ice storm in a teacup: One part monster truck rally, 1 part mime, 1 part guitar hero, 2 parts pro-wrestling, and 2 parts rock concert, with a dash of ego, served by a guy who probably lives in his mom’s basement. It was an intoxicating concoction that could leave an innocent bystander bewildered.

Photo: Frank Wilson / REVAMP.com.
Contestants had 60 seconds to impress the crowd and, more importantly, the judges. Whatever moves they could string together were then graded on a 5.0 - 6.0 scale. The only rule seemed to be that there were no rules. Contestants stripped, stage dove, kissed members of the audience, and pretended to play the instruments of the gods (rock that is). Contestants’ ages varied wildly, with the oldest being nearly 60 and the youngest in his 20s. Several contestants failed to show up, so volunteers from the audience agreed to “play” in their place.

Photo: Frank Wilson / REVAMP.com.
Costumes were a big part of the night. The 60-year-old, dressed as a milk man, rode a tricycle onto the stage and threw candy into the crowd. A 300 pound man wore a medium sized track suit. Wigs, glasses, hats, and belts were all used as props, most of which ended up audience souvenirs.

Photo: Frank Wilson / REVAMP.com.
Surprisingly some skill is involved in this and, for lack of a better word, sport. The skill level between the volunteers and the veterans (yes, people have competed multiple times), who all seem to know each other, was readily apparent. Rockers of the skilled variety kept track of where their guitar was, stroked it like the fires of hell, and played it for the majority of the time. The less experienced, however, bounced around, pointed at the crowd, rolled like mutts on the ground, looked generally confused, drunk, and also to be having the time of their lives. One girl appeared to be strumming something she owned rather than the imaginary guitar she was supposed to be stroking. Like beer pong, this sport is probably best viewed and performed after several stiff drinks.

Photo: Frank Wilson / REVAMP.com.

Photo: Frank Wilson / REVAMP.com.
The crowd cheered like Romans waiting for blood, as the contestants did their best Dee Snyder impressions. Then again, the crowd also went bananas for a fat guy eating a pre-routine cupcake as he took his place on stage. They heckled the judges, the contestants, each other, kept drinking, and kept heckling. It was like being in Philadelphia. I think they were serving riot punch. Eventually, contestants were weeded out and a final round was held. The same loosely applied rules were in place.

Photo: Frank Wilson / REVAMP.com.
After three more minutes of pantomiming rock glory, a champion was selected. Some crowd members seemed to think it was more fixed than the Bradley/Paquio fight; it didn't matter though because they were drunk and having a blast and the outcome was unknown at the beginning (and to many, may still be unknown). The point of The Regional Air Guitar World Championships is to cram as much fun and as many laughs into the presentation.

Requisite 'Free Bird' finale circa 2007.
The event concluded with the traditional air guitar orgy to “Free Bird.” Everyone that could get onto the stage rushed it as if the Redskins had just made the playoffs on a last second field goal. There, they strummed and sang along like the drunkards that they were. And even though it’s hard to imagine, it was unimaginably spectacular and worth every penny.